How is this done, again?
Long post ahead, but so so worth it haha!So… here am I. Sitting at my desk, at work, at 6:16pm on a dark Monday evening, because it’s winter here and daylight is gone by 4 or 5pm, at the latest.
I can’t believe my life-- how gloriously beautiful it is, and how deliriously happy I am. I can’t believe how grateful I am. How excited I am. How kind my Father is.
Thing is this: I try and try, but there are no words or ways to describe our God. There’s nothing I can say that will quantify the magnitude and depth of love and gratitude that I feel towards this God.
There are a few things I’ve learned over the past few months that I’ve been away from the blog. The biggest of them is that God is faithful. He is kind, and He is loving, and His very existence is love.
To avoid rambling, here are snippets of what I’ve learned over the months.
1. Gratitude will carry you- Yesterday was thanksgiving service at church. And I danced and danced and danced and danced. I was dancing so much I was almost in tears, like that dance that comes from deep within your spirit that makes you want to just remove your clothes and dance some more. I had to keep dancing to stop myself from crying like a baby, because I kept thinking about God and all that He’s done for me. It’s really crazy, isn’t it?
Look at me-- I grew up in a small town in Kaduna south in Nigeria, but God took me. He snatched me and gave me the best education and now look where I am? Sometimes I want to just hold God and shake Him and yell “do you know how good you are? Do you have the slightest idea of how kind and loving you are? What are you, this God? Who are you? Tell me and I’ll search for you my entire life, and then I’ll die and go to heaven and love you some more.
2. True peace lies in the arms of Jesus- You can search far and wide, go high or low, but you’ll never find it like Jesus gives it. When I just got here, I had trouble sleeping because I was in a new environment and my mind was all over the place. But now, I sleep like a baby, and I want to sleep and sleep and sleep. God is making my new apartment a home for me. This new life is slowly and surely beginning to feel like mine. This is me, a full time employee of one of the best companies in the world. This is me, having a routine, and doing well, and spreading the love of Jesus. Most of all, this is me, trusting God like no man’s business. This is me, loving God will all my breath.
3. You will grow up, and get better- I remember in my third year of college, I made a pact to wake up at 7am to have personal bible study for at least one hour before beginning my day. Needless to say, that only went on for a few days. But now, look at me? Waking up and having quality personal time before beginning my day. When I was a little younger, I always thought that I’d do really badly with a routine, that I’d never be disciplined, that I’d never be an excellent individual. But, although I’m not like Daniel yet, I’m making my way there. God is holding my hand and leading me on. And here am I, completely emotional that God has given all of this to me.
Yesterday evening, I was having a conversation with two of my friends-- the most handsome twins I’ve ever seen. Doesn’t help that they’re also very kind and sweet and God fearing-- which is such a breath of fresh air. I think about them and heave a sigh like, yes, somebody finally gets this God thing.
Anyway, we were talking about life and God. I told them about an event we had at work, where some black students around the area came for a career day at the office. In the students’ eyes, I could see passion and a strong zeal to succeed. They asked question after question about how I applied, and how I got here, the application process, my experience so far. And most of all, they left me lost for words.
I’m not here because of anything I’ve done. As I’ve said on this blog, I wasn’t the brightest student in secondary school. In fact, I was consistently close to the bottom of the entire class haha. Then I went to A’Levels and somehow found myself. And in university, God gave me the grace to actually embrace the gifts that He’s given to me (like writing haha). He led me to courses that would come easily to me, and that I’d love. He helped me graduate with an excellent result, and now He’s given me a wonderful job.
I certainly am not the most organized or disciplined person there is. I’m definitely not the smartest, neither am I the best at anything. I don’t even pray as much as I should. I could give more, be kinder, and be more loving. But God. My God is a faithful God and He’s kept me in His love.
I have only one answer to the question of what I myself have done- prayer and fasting. I don’t like to say this much, but this story would be incomplete without mentioning that I prayed and fasted to God from the depth of my heart at the beginning of this year. I wanted a smooth transition. I wanted to have more than enough cause to testify. I spent almost the first two months of the year fasting. And God heard. That’s it. Life hasn’t been perfect, but He’s been a most perfect God to me.
I don’t know how else to say it. I don’t know what else to say. But that I called on God and He’s been good to me. He’s answered me, He has given me much more than I could ever imagine or ask or think. He’s a good, good, Father. He’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I only pray for grace to serve Him more.
Side note- please pray for God to make a way for me to go to church more often. Like during the week. Sundays are fine because I take the bus to church, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which are bible study days, it’s so hard to get to church after work because of the long bus ride and the unreliable bus system, and the fact that I don’t have a phone (long story lol) But God who has brought me this far will take me farther.
On this blog, I’ve shared sadness, grief, tears, disappointment, and joy. But one thing is certain- that God is good, and I want you to know Him. I want you to develop a loving relationship with Him, because that’s where life really is!
Feels great to be back here!