Make me gold


I’m not sure if I should be sharing such a personal blog post, but right now, in my understanding and my walk with the Lord, it makes sense to say some of these things on the blog. I guess being a child of God means that even though I’m making a mistake, He will correct me and right all my wrongs in due season. Does that make sense? Or I shouldn’t write personal things like this? Let me know what you think in the comment section after you read the post lol

Here’s a heartfelt prayer to God.

Dear Lord,

These past few days in your presence have been explosive and I hope that I do not lose the passion. Actually, there’s something different about this one. It doesn’t feel like it’s coming from me, it feels like you’ve completely taken reign and you’ve moving and guiding me.

First, I want to thank you. You have placed your word in my heart and on my lips. This blog that I write is not about me, it’s so much bigger than that. That’s why when I read back to some of my old posts, as I did some days ago, even I have a few things to learn. You have taken hold of my hands and placed your words on this blog. You have sent the sweet Holy Spirit to comfort and counsel me even when I have felt like I’ve walked through the fire, you have held my hand and brought me out victoriously.

Thank you for friends and family members who keep me going, who remind me that this blog is more than me and my little problems, who keep me accountable and literally force me to keep my word and update the blog.

Lord Jesus, thank you for your example. I have sometimes struggled to understand your personality, and you and I have spoken about this. I understand God, Your Father, as the almighty and supreme one, I know the Holy Spirit as the comforter that you sent to me, but sometimes I wonder where you stand. You are the one who made a way, that I know. You are the physical manifestation of the God-head, that, too, I know. But how could God come to earth? How could He have the same emotions and feelings that I have. How could the almighty God cry, and weep, and rejoice, and feel compassion, and NOT SIN?

You are far above my understanding but in these past few days you have been revealing more and more of yourself to me and I am excited about further experiences.

Here is my prayer request:

This year, 2017, will be one of many changes. For the first time, I will not be in an academic institution. I will face the “world” and begin to make a way through. As a young girl in my early twenties, these changes are said to be hard. I will rediscover my identity, learn how to make and save my own money. Learn how to serve, and how to make and maintain friendships beyond one institution or setting which has erstwhile kept us together.

That is good, that is expected.

But I have one request of you. This may be the worst time to make this prayer, amidst the changes that are coming my way, but behold, now it always the best time to take a deeper step in you.

I want you to break me. I want you to break my heart and tear my spirit apart. I want you to lead me to those deep, deep waters where I will stand with nothing else but a broken spirit and ask you to take complete authority.

I want you to lead me to the end of myself so that I find myself in you. I want you to remove every avenue for me to apply my human wisdom so that I rely on nothing else but you. I want you to utterly confound me with serious challenges that will lead me only to You. I want you to confuse me, turn my senses, experiences, and personality on their own heads.

Take the things that I hold dear and place them far from me so that I run in only one direction: towards you. Take all that I have so doggedly pursued over the years, whatever it may be, and show me just how insufficient it is. 

Make me more like you. That sounds very easy, and it’s something that we say all the time. But this time, I mean it. Your glory was in your cross, give me my own cross. Your dominion was in going to the pit of hell and obtaining the keys to the kingdom, take me through hell and bring me back out so that I can stand securely on your own word alone.

Teach me what it means to need you, to long for you, to yearn for you. Teach me what it means to be thirsty for your word and to be unsatisfied until I find myself in you.

No matter what it takes, do it. It may be painful, it may be rough, I may not even understand. Just do it and do it your way.

This is a pretty difficult prayer to say. But I stand at this place of surrender and say: whatever it will take me to draw closer to you, God the Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit, please do it. Don’t consider my whining, my tears, or my groaning. It may last for a night, but your joy will come in and fill my soul. It may last several days, maybe months or even years. But if the fire is coming from You God, you will refine me and make me gold for You.

I want to be gold for you God, I’m ready to walk through that fire.