Join me on The Struggle Bus...
Blogging, I have found, is like exercising. The more I blog, the more inspiration I find to blog about! When I get out of form, it becomes excruciating to get back into form, and the more time I spend not writing, the more difficult it becomes to actually write. But I'm grateful to God for His grace, despite all my senrenre. As some of you may know, I have considered starting a series for my blog. Ideally, I want some form of structure, and I want to maintain consistency and increase accountability. I believe God has answered my prayer. So from now, I’m going to start an entire series focussing on sharing some of the struggles I face in my walk with God.
About two weeks ago (and missing church due to traveling and weekend conferences and events), I was experiencing some form of dryness in my relationship with God. Honestly, I still did the usual things- I read my devotionals, and prayed when I felt like it. But I knew that I wasn’t giving as much attention to my relationship with God as I should have. I know too well that consistency is a prerequisite for intimacy. If we desire an intimate relationship with God, we need to spend time in his word, consistently, intentionally. We need to carve out a period of our day and dedicate it to God, and God alone.
The prayer coordinators in my on-campus Christian group, Daughters of Zion, recently pioneered a prayer activity with us. Two meetings ago, they distributed prayer journals to everyone, and made us write down our prayers. Rather than say out loud what we were grateful to God for, or what areas we wanted God to intervene in, we penned them in the book and shared with a partner, at our discretion. This was an entirely novel experience for me as I have never tried explicitly writing down my prayer to God, just as I would say it to Him.
Finally, last night, I was having difficulty sleeping, and rather than daydream or complain about insomnia, I set out to the TV room with my prayer journal. I played some music in the background and poured my heart out to the Lord. It took some crying, but I told God my struggles, I told Him my concerns, and I told Him my fears. While this was not exactly the cathartic experience many make it seem like, prayer journalling (and journalling in general) seems a beneficial exercise.
From writing last night, I have realized that I'm struggling with accepting God's timing. For instance, I’m praying for direction about a decision on something I care very deeply about. But I feel more and more like God's been silent for too long. A huge part of me wants to fly with my human sensibilities and make my decision irrespective of what God thinks, and I'm frustrated at myself because I know that God is perfect, and His timing is perfect, so I'm definitely the one with the problem. However, I honestly am not ready to confront this character flaw and ask God for patience.
More on this to come next week. I’m still figuring out the ideal day to post. My blog stats say Thursday 8pm is the best time, but Thursday may not avail me ample time to think about whatever it is I’m struggling with every week.
It’s a real struggle sitting at the feet of Jesus and waiting for answers from Him. I hope you enjoy this series as much as I know I will. I hope we learn that there is strength in vulnerability, and that struggle is universal lol.
Please join me on this struggle boat.
Before you leave, here is some music. I'm sharing a live performance by Sinach at the Festival of Life conference in the U.K earlier this year. Worship and be blessed!